First Step

       Here’s something I recently wrote to a friend who is going through a rough patch.

       When I’m in pain or turmoil, overwhelmed by life, my first impulse is to fix me or my situation.  Self-acceptance and self-compassion are hard to come by in those moments.  And yet, I believe, they constitute – precisely - the first step that needs to be taken.

       This poem by Courtney Walsh arrived from my good friend Dan at a perfect time.  The inner judge was having a field day – harping on my imperfections, resurrecting old unworthiness stories.  It was a mercy and a healing to encounter this refreshing take on the human condition.  

Dear Human

Dear Human:  You’ve got it all wrong.

You didn’t come here to master unconditional love.

That is where you came from and where you’ll return.

You came here to learn personal love.

Universal love.  Messy love.  Sweaty love.

Crazy love.  Broken love.  Whole love.

Infused with divinity.  Lived through the grace of stumbling.

Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up.  Often.

You didn’t come here to be perfect.  You already are.

You came here to be gorgeously human.  Flawed and fabulous.

And then to rise again into remembering.

But unconditional love?  Stop telling that story.

Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives.

It doesn’t require modifiers.

It doesn’t require the conditions of perfection.

It only asks that you show up.  And do your best.

That you stay present and feel fully.

That you shine and fly and laugh and cry

and hurt and heal and fall and get back up

and play and work and live and die as YOU.

It’s enough.  It’s Plenty.

             Courtney A. Walsh

Trying Easy

        On Christmas Eve, my dear friend, Marika Blades, sent around this quote from Paul Boynton, author of Begin with Yes.  “The holidays are filled with so many expectations and we are tempted to put our energy into making a storybook happen for ourselves and people around us.  This year let’s not try so hard to make it happen.  Let’s relax, open our hearts and arms and quietly see what happens.” 

       Old habits of struggling and trying hard can be tenacious and energy draining.   As the new year begins, I wonder about a different path – the path of trying easy.  I wonder about moving gently with the flow of life within and around me.  I imagine greeting each moment with eyes and heart open – receiving it, responding to it, releasing it – relaxed and ready to greet what comes next.   

       After devoting years to the practice of trying hard, I’m ready to experiment with trying easy.

      P.S.  I had decided on “trying easy” as the title and theme for this new year’s posting several days before Marika’s email arrived.  Once again, I’m struck by life’s synchronicity – its offer to support us with its energy and propel us with its currents. 

       We are not alone, and we really don’t have to work so hard.

       Happy New Year!

Christmas Awe

       According to quantum physicist, Niels Bohr, the opposite of a small truth is a falsehood, while the opposite of a great truth is another truth.  Great truths are paradoxical in nature.

       For me, Christmas is a great truth.  Human birth signals a movement from oneness in the womb toward a lifelong path of individuation – celebrating and discovering uniqueness and individuality.  The birth of Jesus adds a new dimension to the path.  His birth and his teaching orient us toward oneness – the unity of human and divine.  Christ-consciousness reminds us that we are one with each other, one with God, one with all that is.  The path of individuation is only the first part of a spiritual journey that eventually returns us, deepened by the journey, to original oneness.

       Christmas immerses us in mystery – the awesome, paradoxical truth that each of us is simultaneously one with everything and distinct from everything.  We are all one, and each one of a kind.

       In one version of the Christmas story, there was no room in the inn for the birth of Jesus.   Christmas invites us to make room in our “inns” for the birth of Christ-consciousness.  It beckons us toward spaciousness.

       Let’s open our hearts to mystery and immensity this season.  Let’s make room for Christmas awe.

Relaxed Readiness

       Advent, in the tradition where I was raised, is a time of preparation, anticipation, getting ready.  As I consider it now, a question arises:  How do we prepare for Grace? 

        If we’re not attentive, not ready for the unpredictable arrival of grace, we may miss its quiet approach.  If we’re tight or if we tighten, we may block its arrival or choke the fullness of its presence.

       There’s a balance, here, and a fluidity:  attending and softening, receiving and letting go, keeping eyes open and heart open, staying observant and transparent to the flow of life.

       This balanced state is what Richard Moss calls “relaxed readiness”.  It is a natural state that most of us need to re-learn.  And thus we practice.  Moment by moment, we are aware and we breathe.  Moment by moment, we see and we soften.

       We prepare for Grace.

Meditation Mercy

       Some years back, I shared a podium with a delightful Benedictine nun.  We were presenting on meditation and spiritual practice.  I remember being organized with my notes, as I talked about various approaches to centering.  In contrast, my co-presenter spoke off the cuff about what a treat it is to give ourselves quiet time and what fun it is to take regular breaks from the cares of the day.

       There was light-heartedness in her message – a playful spirit, an invitation to be at ease, to be merciful and gentle with ourselves – very different, in tone, from the somber spirituality that focuses on discipline and hard work.

       A few weeks ago, my friend Nicky sent around a quote, which echoes this merciful approach to spiritual practice.  It’s from a workshop she attended with Australian meditation teacher, Bob Sharples.  I pass it on for your enjoyment.

       "Don’t meditate to fix yourself, to heal yourself, to improve yourself, to redeem yourself: rather, do it as an act of love, of deep warm friendship to yourself. In this way there is no longer any need for the subtle aggression of self-improvement, for the endless guilt of not doing enough. It offers the possibility of an end to the ceaseless round of trying so hard that wraps so many people’s lives in a knot."

Bob Sharples

       It’s our nature to deepen.  When we listen and soften to our true nature, we grow quite nicely – even without “the subtle aggression of self-improvement” and “the endless guilt of not doing enough”.

Happy Thanks-giving

       When I feel into my body as I give thanks to God or anyone else, I remember a fundamental truth:  A grateful heart is a light and joyful heart. 

       Treat yourself to happy thanks-giving.

Inner Marriage

       Brian Roennow, a psychotherapist and spiritual teacher from Denmark, a wonderful friend and vibrant presence in the mentor group with Richard Moss, dashed off an email response to “Love-Ability” – a Weekly Wisdom I posted last month.  I was blown away by the depth of his insight and by its eloquence, especially since Brian responded so quickly and since English is not his native language.  I’m excited to share what he wrote.

       First, a couple quick notes:  In the chakra system, the solar plexus is an energy center that relates to personal identity (that which distinguishes us), and the heart is the energy center for love and compassion (that which unites us).  The word “chymical”, as Brian recently clarified for me, refers to a meeting of energies leading to mystical union and transformation.

        Here’s Brian:

In our hearts, feminine as well as masculine is present. But the feminine, encompassing empathic, nurturing and altruistic qualities etc., does not fight the masculine discerning, deciding and acting - and also altruistic - qualities. That fight goes on in the solar plexus/lunar plexus polarity at another level of consciousness.

No, in the heart, they marry, they say yes to each other and go forward into the chymical wedding. They are intimately forged together in a relationship where polarity is acknowledged and worshipped, in a deep playful manner.

And the fruit of this marriage is The Golden Child. 

This Child is our ability to connect with our deepest existence, with our deepest awareness of Self. Naive, playful, innocent, and yet full of wisdom and knowing. And it is our chance to ascend. Our ability to connect with the Divine, Nirvana, All, Non-dual. Whatever it is called. And to realize we have always been here - and we will never leave here - that is impossible and an illusion…

 Brian Roennow, personal correspondence, 10/21/13

       Joan Woolard, a dear friend and fellow sojourner in the Richard Moss mentor program, wrote this poem during a day of silence at the recent gathering of our group.  It touched something in me, as I suspect it may in you.

Porch Time

Breeze ever so gently beckoning to enter the pregnant pause

Take rest in the now; the land that time forgot

You know the place

It can be found between here and there

But don't look too hard or you'll miss it

Soften your gaze, loosen your grip and settle in

Let you mind wander and shift the focus of your awareness

Slip into the only place where you will find yourself, the now.

Nowhere to go

Nothing to do, fix or change

Just unending being with what is

Shadows lengthen

Leaves Rustle

Birds sing a call to action

Gather yourself and take flight on the wings of the now.

Joan Woolard

Big Heart Healing

       When I’m in distress – feeling anxious, ashamed, angry, etc. – the automatic tendency is to move into my head to process what I’m experiencing.  Truth be told, this is an attempt to defeat the distress, and it doesn’t work so well.  Usually, it just fuels the stories and interior dramas that create even more suffering. 

       Lately, I’ve experimented with acknowledging the distress, accepting its presence, and holding it gently in my heart – no analysis, no figuring, no words, no warfare.  I lean back, relax the body, breathe into my heart and witness heart’s natural expansion.  Small heart softens into Big Heart, the heart of compassion we all share.

       In this compassionate space, distress is invited to stay as long as it wants.  And yet, it dissolves – sometimes sooner, sometimes later.  Even when the discomfort is powerful and stubborn, I do my best to keep focused on the simple act of breathing into, and breathing out of, Big Heart. 

       The mind is a powerful instrument for processing many things.  Heart, however, is the better instrument for healing.